That Forever, Soul-crushing Love:

My heart My Soul:

Making love-was our bridge back together. Whatever bad or good things happened during the days that tried to tear us apart & sometimes succeeded, we have always found one another again during the night in bed. Because we belong together, & are are bound by God, therefore no man or thing can keep us apart.

The day I met him…the man I knew the instant we smiled at each other all of those years ago, somewhere in my mind my subconscious was already forgiving him for everything he could possibly ever do wrong to me in the future.

They say “there’s no such thing as love at first sight.” I beg to differ. Because the moment our eyes locked & I smiled, & then he smiled…I fell in love. My soul was set alive, it found purpose, & it found its mate. In that moment I KNEW. A Soul that will for Eternity be locked in time with mine. My mate.

There are not enough words, nor any way to truly describe the love & bond that we share.

I’d swim an ocean to get to him (in some ways I already have, and I’ll climb ANOTHER & ANOTHER & I’ll keep on climbing til the day I am no more), & I pray I’m worth the same…to him. My love, my forever love. It wasn’t who I’m meant to be. It’s who I was destined to be at birth. And I’ll be a ____ through the ends of time…

To Be A Woman- has much 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓵𝓵𝔂 changed??

Most of us can’t change our own tire, lift extremely heavy items, or do many more of the manly jobs. Some do. Some women pride themselves on being extremely independent.  I know I needed help into my new place a couple of months ago because there was no way that I could possibly lift some of the heavier things alone. But do I owe somebody for helping me if they are my friend? I feel like that’s blackmail….

This world is centered around the man being in charge still though.  We say we have come a long way as women but really have we? 

When, as a woman, if I need some help from a man, why is there always a catch? Why is there always a “what can you do for me” attached? 

Why should there be anything done in return? What happened to chivalry? I go to the store sometimes and the door slams closed in my face because the man in front of me turns and looks at me and I guess I’m not worthy of holding the door open for? Or is it because we are teaching our sons to be disrespectful and not be a gentleman??

Of course we can vote now, and we have many rights established through the decades and centuries.  Yet, I still feel we are considered beneath men.

I think it is amazing to be independent and able to take care of ourselves but at the same time are we taking away men’s rights as a man?  When we take away their duties as gentlemen…I feel like we get angry with them but at the same time their pride wants them to take care of us and be our shoulder to lean on.

I believe there is a fine line between being independent and being dependent.  Where are we and where do we belong if not in the middle?

Women, is your life out of control? lol

Is your life out of control? Are you miserable & don’t know how to pull yourself out of the hole you are in?!! Looking for a miracle? It’s possible.

I want to share something personal to you!!!

And if you’re asking why? Why put this on FB? Because I feel that when we share our stories w/ others, our hurts & our pain our awful tragedies and how we overcame them…I truly believe that we can help somebody else that’s in that situation. 

I’m not one of those people that goes around posting all of the pictures about God and forgiveness and all of that, occasionally I do when I really feel the quote deep inside…But instead I live my life that way because just talking doesn’t get you anywhere or you have to walk the walk!!! (No offense to anyone lol I enjoy reading Christian quotes 😉)

Over the past year and a half, I have gone through a horriblly painful divorce with an outcome that was not in my best interest. And come to find out there were A LOT of miscommunications that were not seen until later through the anger & hurt. 😔 I still have medical issues with my back and suffer with chronic pain every single day. (But I get up out of bed every day and walk into school with a smile 😊😃 for my students, for my boys, and for all of the people that care about me.) I have gone through another painful tragedy over the past year & 1/2, besides my divorce, that is too personal to share. Every day over the past year and a half has been extremely difficult to just get out of bed in the mornings because life was dark and in my eyes at that time: not a good place. All I saw was misery and pain and suffering and it felt like the world was crashing around me.

Even before that year I had suffered physically and emotionally for a very long time. I have had 13 surgeries in a 10 year time span, extreme back pain that never goes away which I still suffer from, my dad passed away when I was 13 years old and it wrecked my whole life, and many more other tragedies that one person should never have to suffer from in one lifetime, much less 35 years

BUT: one day about 6 months ago, in May, I was standing in my bathroom looking at myself in the mirror and I decided “no more”! I will not let people destroy me or hurt me and I will not let my tragedies or life situations overcome me anymore!!”  NO. MORE.

Right then and there I literally fell to my knees and looked up and screamed and said “God please help me!!!” I stayed there for about an hour just praying and begging God to turn my life around and to give me the knowledge and the wisdom and the tools to do it. 

And I am not joking or exaggerating….after that things started happening in my life that I can’t even begin to understand/comprehend!! I deleted people off my Facebook that were negative influences and I and circle myself in gods arms and safety and I pulled myself away from anything that was not good for me or my family. I can’t even begin to explain the amazing things that God did in my life and it happened so quickly. It has been six months and it feels like it has been years. But I won’t let another day go by in Missouri life is a wonderful thing if you look at it the right way and you make the right choices. And when I choose I choose to love because love always always gets me through the rough times and I feel like I am able to face anything in the world throws at me now.  before I could not handle life…it was just too much.

Again you may ask why would she share this personal information? Because that’s what God wants us to do. He wants us to encourage others, lift them up, help them, carry them when needed, and I will be that person because I didn’t really have that when I needed it. People who I thought cared about me turned their backs on me and walked away and never looked back 😞  I have suffered greatly in many ways. but I am tired of letting my suffering overcome me and take over my whole world and bring me down. I still have many things to work on and we are all always growing and changing. But I am happy to say that I am in the process and have overcome many things with God‘s love. And I will overcome the rest, I believe and I have faith.

Yes I’ve hurt & sufferer TREMENDOUSLY, But God was always right there and when I finally let go of the reins, let go of the control, and let God take over my life the way it is supposed to be, amazing things started happening and I am a witness to God‘s love and power and strength and mercy!!!! GOD IS GOOD & I AM A WITNESS IN FAITH!!!☺️🙏💕 relationships that I thought would never be repaired or able to mend, started piecing back together!!! Someone who I thought that I lost forever is now a part of my life and to God I will always be grateful and humble because I couldn’t ask for more. I’m HAPPY. AT PEACE. LOVE IS THE ANSWER!!! ALWAYS L.

So if you find yourself looking in the mirror today or standing somewhere and thinking  🤔 “how did I get here?” Or “Why is my life like this?” Just Let go and 100% truly let God take over and let your worries slip away!! Because He WILL take care of you if you believe and have faith. 

I began to pour myself into my job and my students and I took the focus off of me. I stop blaming others for everything that was going wrong in my life and realize that most of it was my doing. My boys Micah Braxton and Kyan are the most important people in the world to me and I admit I wasn’t a great mom the past couple of years with all of my medical situations & surgeries. I was lost in my own world made of pain and misery. 😖😩 

But I cannot beat myself up for that and carry that guilt because all it has done is eat me up alive inside and turn my life into something that I did not want and that was not good for me or the people around me. Before I could forgive anyone else I had to forgive ME: Lacy.

All it takes is faith and God WILL do the rest of you hand everything to him and don’t take it back..you will transform into something awe-inspiring and beautiful and happiness and love 💕 will pour out of you. All you have to do is let go. I am so extremely blessed and I think God for it every day. And every single day my life gets better and better and I finally see the sun light at the end of the dark tunnel I was in. As a matter fact I’m not in that tunnel anymore I’m on the other side where the sun shines bright the grass is green the breeze flickers through the flowers. I am there and I’m never looking back!!!!! 

Message me if you need some inspiration. I’m here & I want to help. 

If someone hasn’t told you today that you are special and unique and that you are loved, I am telling you right now. I love you & so does God.

You are special and you are loved more than you could possibly know. So don’t let the world get you down… stand up & scream 😱 “no more!!!!”

To the people Who stuck by my side and helped me in some way… believe me it wasn’t just something small even if it felt that way.

You helped me through a horrible situation and I will forever be grateful to those people. ♾🙏

So come on Satan! Bring it because I’m ready!

✝️💓🙏🕊✨💫☀️🌝🌷🌸🌌🌠🎆 ☮️✌️ 

~Lacy

#blessed #happy #peaceful #Godfearing #womanoffaith #hallelujah #proudmomma #loveisallyouneed

ąŋ ąʄɬɛཞŋơơŋ ɬơ ɬɧɛ ɱơơŋ ơŋ ɛąɠƖɛ’ʂ ῳıŋɠʂ

Flying. Soaring. I see stars surrounding me. Their bright lights blind me to the troubles of the world. You took me to the moon again, soaring on wings of passion through the stars. You are my escape from reality. I want you to be my new reality. My forevermore.

   Divinity. Your sweet taste on my lips, my tongue. You taste like a Rainbow as you kiss me passionately. My personal pot o’ gold.

   Love is thick in the air and passion is surrounding us. I want to stay there, just like that, in your arms. My heart, my body, and my soul forever yours.

   Take me away again. Climb on Eagle’s wings with me and soar through the sky, the stars, to the moon, never to come back down. 

   I am yours. You are mine. Never to go back again. I won’t. I can’t. You are my lifeline, the air in my lungs, the beat of my heart. I would whither away if I lost you, I would be no more.

   Again, take me to the moon & stay there with me, forever.

Fear.

Every day & night I experience fears. Big fears. Small fears.  Is that a person in my room or just a shadow on the wall?  Is someone following me?  Or is my imagination running amok again?  Did I see something move or are my eyes playing tricks again?

The biggest fear I face day and night isn’t the shadow from my jewelry box.  It’s not the car behind me.  It’s also not the slightest of movements that my eyes seem to catch only once the sun has settled in for the night.

No, my biggest fear is the worst kind of fear.  The kind of fear that I dread.  That sends me cowering under the covers.  The kind of fear that my heart could not take again.  My biggest fear is the fear of the loss of your love.  Your touch.  Your smile.  Your laugh.  For if I was to lose you?  I’d have nothing left for fear to take.

Written by: Lacy J. Duran

July 11, 2019

A Poem about Loneliness

Pure ℓσиℓιиєѕѕ σf α Мσтнєя   

ʝυℓу 15, 2019

                 ву: ℓα¢у ∂υяαи

     Dripping water, click 123 click, the whirrr of the fan as it rotates. The sound of air blowing through the vents drones on and then shuts off repeatedly throughout the day. There are no dirty dishes to wash, no trash to clean up, the toilet seat is sparkling, it’s clean everywhere but I clean anyway to fight the boredom and sadness.  I need purpose, I need something to stand for but find nothing that seems possible.  The accumulation of laundry is too small to make a trip and start a load.  Empty rooms, empty beds, a lonely tug at the heart for the want and need of my children.  There is no laughter to be heard anywhere, and it is so quiet I can hear my heartbeat…ba boom, ba boom- a slow rhythm. The phone doesn’t beep or ring.  The silence is almost unbearable. What would I give to hear someone say my name? “Lacy!” But the most important name: “momma!” I’d give anything. Everything.  Momma- The name that gives me a purpose on this Earth, the name that gives me happiness, hope, and strength.  There is no call, I am not needed, I am lost.  Sometimes I think I hear them calling me, but sadly, it is just my mind playing cruel jokes.  The pace of my heartbeat quickens after sunset every day; I see shadows moving, the creaking of the ceiling from the neighbors above, a glance in a mirror causes me to jump until I realize it is just my reflection.  My heart aches and yearns to be told that I am loved, that I am cherished. But I am, no more.  

The deafening sound of silence fills my ears day in and day out. In my home, in my mind, and worse? Silence in my heart as it beats but find no purpose, and no mate to pair meeting with.

Loneliness is the worst feeling in the world, especially after losing love…and also, the loneliness of a mother.  At the loss of Hope, there is pure agony & despair.

Introduce Yourself (Example Post)

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

  • Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
  • Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

  • Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
  • What topics do you think you’ll write about?
  • Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
  • If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.

Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started