A Poem about Loneliness

Pure ℓσиℓιиєѕѕ σf α Мσтнєя   

ʝυℓу 15, 2019

                 ву: ℓα¢у ∂υяαи

     Dripping water, click 123 click, the whirrr of the fan as it rotates. The sound of air blowing through the vents drones on and then shuts off repeatedly throughout the day. There are no dirty dishes to wash, no trash to clean up, the toilet seat is sparkling, it’s clean everywhere but I clean anyway to fight the boredom and sadness.  I need purpose, I need something to stand for but find nothing that seems possible.  The accumulation of laundry is too small to make a trip and start a load.  Empty rooms, empty beds, a lonely tug at the heart for the want and need of my children.  There is no laughter to be heard anywhere, and it is so quiet I can hear my heartbeat…ba boom, ba boom- a slow rhythm. The phone doesn’t beep or ring.  The silence is almost unbearable. What would I give to hear someone say my name? “Lacy!” But the most important name: “momma!” I’d give anything. Everything.  Momma- The name that gives me a purpose on this Earth, the name that gives me happiness, hope, and strength.  There is no call, I am not needed, I am lost.  Sometimes I think I hear them calling me, but sadly, it is just my mind playing cruel jokes.  The pace of my heartbeat quickens after sunset every day; I see shadows moving, the creaking of the ceiling from the neighbors above, a glance in a mirror causes me to jump until I realize it is just my reflection.  My heart aches and yearns to be told that I am loved, that I am cherished. But I am, no more.  

The deafening sound of silence fills my ears day in and day out. In my home, in my mind, and worse? Silence in my heart as it beats but find no purpose, and no mate to pair meeting with.

Loneliness is the worst feeling in the world, especially after losing love…and also, the loneliness of a mother.  At the loss of Hope, there is pure agony & despair.